What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 00:54
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Have you made a female relative or friend squirt?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
When she asked me how she looked .
Do flat Earthers really exist? Why do they believe the Earth is flat?
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
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I have no regrets .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
What is the most inappropriate thing your wife has done in front of you?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
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She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
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My mum and dad in the seventies!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
This is soul school!.
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She was in good health!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He knew the spot.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
All the time i was locked up.
Why do liberals think it is okay to steal votes while the rest of us obey the law(s)?
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He resisted the act ,that day.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My life is so biszare .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Comes on , in middle age.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I think the readers, may guess!
I don,t even have a pension.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was very sick at this time too.
And i lived it daily.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Would this be the day?
I was 9 years of age.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So whats the point in blame.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She found it foreign!.
She loved him until the end.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
(And it was in our own minds.)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We were not on the streets..
It was going to be , some day.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She married twice! .
Im still living with it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I waited trembling.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Ive learnt so much.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But ive been too sick for many years..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
One cannot live in the past .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I said to her
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Put me off passion for life!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Why did i forgive my father ?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And who doesn’t know suffering?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Who then, do I blame.?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
What did i know ?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She wouldn,t have been !
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But, we were locked up after school.
But it wasn’t much.
We all went to grammer schools
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!